Jack of all Trades

I've been enjoying life a lot lately. I'm not sure if it's waking up every morning to the sound of a donkey's cry, taking in the crisp, cold fresh air in the mountains, or getting a view of the various orchards in the valley below. (I know, I'm no Shakespeare.) I have also been trying to enjoy life's simple pleasures since I have arrived and just enjoy whatever crazy path I may be on here. Instead of finding all the things that are bumming me out for the day, I just wake up in the morning, take the bus to work, do my job selling cards as great and as well as I can... and go home in the evening to enjoy my life with my nephew Landan and my fantastic brother and sister in law. I don't even think about what I'm actually doing at work, I just think about how I could be doing it better. I may not be performing brain surgery but it sure feels a heck of  a lot better going home at the end of the day knowing I worked as hard as I could and made as many people as I could happy rather than just dreading each hour as it passes, looking down upon the pitiful low-end retail life that I currently would call it. (Much like I have been.) The part that I really and truly love in my day is returning home, free to do whatever I chose to spend my time doing. I can put my job behind me and not have to think about it again until the next day...and for now, I can just focus on the things that I love to do.

I love to draw. I am doodling all the time. On the corner of my papers, on the back of my receipts, on the edges of my napkins... you will find little cartoons everywhere. Now, I've jumped around a lot when it comes to choosing potential career paths. I think I have considered about 94 different options, none of which I decided to pursue. I am the most lazy, unmotivated, pathetic person when it comes to making a life decision. I am so cowardly of deciding my destiny and I often wish it was just handed to me instead. I'm never 100% sure about anything that I do and I always look both ways (twice) before crossing the street. I don't know why I can never settle down or choose something specific about anything at all. It's almost as if my brain cock-blocks itself. (Excuse that expression, parents.) I will think up an idea and feel extremely passionate about it- and WHAM- the next morning when I wake up, I won't give a damn about what I felt the day before. I'm always thinking about how much I would love to do all of these things until I picture it in a job like setting, making a business out of what I enjoy. I understand the prospect that it's important to like what you do - but you don't necessarily have to invest your whole existence into it. I think I have been so overwhelmed by everything I'd like to do in my life. It sounds hard to believe since I'm such a procrastinator, however when I feel a jolt of joy for something... I really want to go with it. But the moment I see it as something I need to perform at on a daily basis, all of the excitement and the joy is gone. My passion goes away. I forget all about it and switch to something else... and then the vicious cycle continues.

What any of us would really like to do - is just do everything that we'd ever really LOVE to do. Life would be too easy if we could do everything that we wished we could accomplish or become. Right? The way I see it, a job is just a job. Depending on how far you take it, how much patience you have for acquiring a better one, you will lead a different life. Sink the time and effort into getting a good job = big rewards. You'll get paid hefty, have a steady income, a planned out life and lots of extra room to reap the benefits of having cash... there's no doubt in my mind that studying hard and doing something specific does pay off (pun) in the end. Skip the study, live unpredictably and have a varying income = modest lifestyle. You won't get much out of life if you're not making enough money to accomplish the things you'd like to accomplish. You'll be too busy worrying about the question of eating dinner that night, rather than what you'd like to be spending that time doing. Things don't come as easy and you definitely miss out on a lot of things like being able to afford certain luxuries. There are so many incredible things we could become on this earth: a doctor, a musician, a scientist or a mission worker. It's hard to understand why anyone would choose a different way than that. But there are a lot of jobs in the world and there are always going to be people studying hard to do them. There are those chosen few people in the world like me that are anxious, overwhelmed, and quite frankly, bored. The non-achievers if you will. But what if these people like me... are the ones that fill all those other jobs? The leftovers? The low-paying, grungy, dirt-under-your-fingernails type stuff. (Or scanning greeting cards into a computer.)  At the end of the day, everything we do to earn money is a job. Some pay more and some pay less. But someone always has to do them. What really matters to the people like me who do those types of jobs... is the stuff that comes after work. Playing music, drawing pictures, writing and even making goofy short movies once in a while, that's all what keeps me going and thriving. These are my passions, the things I love to do. That's the big picture for me - and spending time with family/friends. (and terribly missing the family/friends that are far, far away.) Life is here to enjoy, right? Well some people do their passions for a living. Those are the lucky ones, the ones with brains that can focus and work hard to achieve that specific goal. That would be the majority of the population. But then they LOVE their jobs - because they're doing what they always wanted. It's the same thing for me, only I love what I do after work.

I love doing many different creative things. I have found that these are the things that honestly and truly make me happy. My brother and I had a long discussion last night, about the prospect of me becoming his official apprentice as he teaches me the trade and skills of interior/exterior painting. The way he spoke about his job (it's definitely his passion) enlightened me. The last time I was here in Kelowna, visiting during the summer, I had tried my hand at painting as well as had a peek as to what it would be like as a career. Out here, there is some pretty decent money in house development. New neighborhoods are popping up all over the place like crazy and these rich British Columbians are always looking for new ways to obtain some extra property. Now, it's not necessarily a steady job, especially since it highly revolves around the economy... but it does make some decent wage. According to Mike, a half-decent painter can make $24 an hour. He's had phone calls left right and center for jobs... and he's moved up in rank on the Kelowna-scale in terms of who to call when you need a paintover. It's a tricky trade, no doubt about that, and a risky one for sure. Regardless, even for a creative soul like me, the job sounds appealing. It would take time, that is for certain. He would only be able to bring me in twice a week to start, at about $11 bucks an hour, just so I can learn the basics at a slow and steady rate. That way there is no pressure for me to perform perfect for one of his jobs and there is no pressure for him to always stay on my toes. Over time and with practice, I will learn the trade. He has already been teaching me a lot about what he does, and when he comes home in the evening I see all of the paperwork and extra chores that are also part of the process.

Even if I continue to work in a retail like setting for now (hopefully to change soon, if I ever get callbacks on the dozens of resumes I've been sending out) and learning painting as a trade part-time, I would be able to live a decent life until the day where I can officially gain the occupation of Interior/Exterior Painter. With future knowledge and experience, perhaps one day Mike and I could create a company of our own. (I've already decided on the advertiser.) My career would be a tradesperson in painting and at the end of the day I would come home to the life that I'd want to live drawing, writing, and learning to play music again. I may have been out of highschool for years now, and I may be living on my own in a very expensive province, and I may be twenty years old, but I still feel like I have time to do the things I'm going to want to do in my life. I want to become a musician? Well then I'll paint during the day and I'll practice and write songs at night. I want to be a writer? I'll work on children's stories on my laptop when I get home in the evening. I am starting to truly believe that if I engage in things I love to do more, and perhaps go out there and get involved with my passions in the community - I will be a much happier person at heart. Because for the past three years, I have been trying to drive myself to find that "one thing" that I feel so strongly about and would love to do for the rest of my life. For me, that's not possible. I love many, many things... and trying to sit down and pick one thing to do for my entire life is incredibly difficult for me. I'm not saying that finding a career has ever been presented to me that way... of course you can do anything you want. But for me, I just want to enjoy all of these things that I love and that's what keeps me motivated to go throughout the day and work as hard as I possibly can. I'm looking forward to the moment when I can get home and do the things I really care about.

Each time I write about my life here in BC, I get a sense of guilt, almost as if it seemed like I ran away from Winnipeg, to "a better place". Being raised there and living there was an incredible experience, one I will always treasure for the rest of my life. I'm proud to be from Winnipeg, and I surely do miss all of my family and friends there. It makes me teary eyed when I think about everyone I have left behind... but I have found such a wonderful place that I can build my life in. This was the next step for me, my mind had always led me  here and now I'm finally in this place. It's mind-blowing that it even came true. I think  I could find myself very happy learning painting as a serious career and trade... accompanying it with everything I feel passionate about and enjoy. The cherry on top would be having everyone I love around me, but thankfully transportation and communication are two things that will always keep us connected. That, along with the sweet, sweet memories I have made back home.

I am not saying that I am slacking off on life or permanently going with this idea. It's something that occurred to me and that I've been thinking about basically since I got here... and I really feel like it's what I really want as of right now. Maybe that will change later, and perhaps I'll end back up in Winnipeg when this whole thing turns into a total catastrophe. But I think that for now I should give it a go, and the most important thing in the world to me, would be to have support behind it. In the end, I'm still just as mixed up and confused as I was before... and deep down inside, I'm secretly anxious that I'll wake up in a few days and wonder what on Earth it is that I am doing. I'm scared right out of my pants, I will tell you that. Life is a very scary thing, but it can be a very beautiful thing at the same time. Although I'm not too sure which one it is right now.

I miss my family and friends in Winnipeg so, so very much. It really hurts being this far away from the life that I have learned and familiarized myself with. I miss the comfort of coming home to my family and wrestling with the dogs at night. (Or, I guess cleaning Mika's ears.) I miss the laughter that I shared with my friends. I wish there was a way that I could have both worlds. But for now I will just have to explore this one.

Just know that however awful this idea sounds, however stupid I may seem and however irresponsible I may be... I am just trying to explore and find my happiness. I'm not trying to do the wrong thing, I'm trying to do the right thing. And the whole time, I'm thinking about you guys. I miss you.

Tell me if this is a bad idea, and I'll start to work on plan B...