Me and My Heart

Here we are, post-Valentine's day, and all I have been doing is eating Hershey Kisses left right and center. I thought this would be an appropriate time to write again, as it has been another few weeks or so and I finally have some more ideas in my head. Basically to continue where I left off, I have been working much more often at the card shop since the "Hallmark Holiday" Valentine's day madness has been going on. Everywhere I look is red and pink (much to my dismay) and I cannot walk down one hallway of the mall without seeing lingerie several times in a row. I think the time has come now where everyone is packing all of it away, and bringing out St. Patty's day stuff. Yes that's correct, the halls have changed from pink to green.

Jack Johnson, Mango Tree Studios

Things at home are still as dandy as usual, but I have realized recently that I am spending more and more time in front of the mirror playing air guitar than playing video games. I can't help it though - I am addicted to Jack Johnson fully completely and when I listen to his music, I have to play along. This insane act of multiple personality disorder (I like to pretend that I'm singing in a band) has influenced me to follow my passion for music and re-learn an instrument. For real this time. Last year I really wanted to get back into playing the piano again, and for Christmas I was even spoiled with piano lessons from my parents. I had several lessons when eventually work began to conflict with practicing and I gave up trying to pursue it. Ever since I moved out here to Kelowna, I have rediscovered the reason that I wanted to learn the piano again in the first place. Music fuels me. It motivates me to wake up in the morning, I listen to it while I get ready, I sing in the shower, I hum while I brush my teeth, I play spoons while I eat my breakfast and I listen to my iPhone every single bus ride. Not only do I listen to music that much, but it's always the exact same artist: Jack Johnson.

Jack Johnson, Mango Tree Studios

Sadly it sounds like an obsession - which it very well could be, however his music has taught me so much since I moved out here. A few weeks before I left Winnipeg, I had picked up an old surf movie he made back when he was in college... and he did all the music for it. I eventually started to listen to all of his albums, I had them all in my music library but I only listened to one or two key songs. As boring is this may all be to read right now, I do have a punchline to the importance of his music. I enjoy really mellow, instrumental music, and before I listened to Jack I listened non-stop to Coldplay. As much as I do still enjoy their new album, courtesy of my friends at Polo Park, I have learned a lot from the tones of these particular styles. I fell in love with Jack's songs because his lyrics and themes all have to do with love and spreading it throughout the world. His sound is somewhat of a mix of Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix. Who knew that a man and his guitar could be so powerful?

When I was on the airplane flying out here to Kelowna, all I had was butterflies in my stomach. I felt full of anxiety and fear, but then I plugged in my earphones and peacefully teared up while listening to one of Jack's songs. His lyrics of love, growth and happiness soothed me in a way I cannot explain. It inspired me to be happier and more calm. If you've ever listened to one of his hits, you know that his music is extremely calm. That's the perfect way to describe it. And when I listen to it, somehow it helps me battle all of that fear. At the end of the day, he is a good role model too, and that is essentially why I enjoy his albums. He's an environmentalist and has several charities and organizations for making the planet a better place. I think we could all learn a lesson from the person that he is. If there is some sort of rhyme or reason to life, he's figured it out. In his own words, he sings:

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why we're here
Where do we go
And how come it's so hard

I thought that those words were subtly profound in their own way. When you think about life, why we are here and what we do with out lives... it's all based out of love. Family and friends are the most important things to me and it's important that we all share that love with our Earth. If we all planted some seeds and give back what we take, I believe that the world would be a better place. Ironically I'm not very good at doing either of those things, but this message inspires me and reminds me to do that. THAT is why I like his music.

Being out here in BC away from my comfort zone, away from my family, away from my friends (the few I may have :P ) has taught me so much about who I am, what my values in life are, and who I want to be as a human being. I think those are all very important lessons to learn, so I feel as though I have truly accomplished what I came out here to do. I understand that in life, we are always learning more about ourselves as we age and experience new things, but at least I am starting to see that now and appreciate everything that used to seem so simple. Emotionally, I feel like I have grown a lot in such a short period of time. I had to rebuild my entire life in a completely foreign place but thanks to having such supportive people in my life, I could do it. That's love. Every single person I know has been a part of helping me grow and learn more about myself. I still may have millions of more question marks floating around in my head... some of which I wonder will ever be answered... but at least I'm learning more each day. I know that in my heart, I just want to be as good of a person as I can be. I've still got a long way to go but I'm working on being better every day. I'm trying to make better choices for myself, trying to appreciate life's greatest simplicities and love the world as opposed to hating it. I'm going to make mistakes but that is my goal in life... finding happiness within.

I think finding your true passions in life is what fuels all of us in being happy. I've discovered music again, writing again, drawing again and even movie-editing again... so I'm working on all of these interests to reap as many good things out of them as I can. Yesterday I called the Centre for Arts and Technology campus here in Kelowna, and I asked them if they had any spots available for an upcoming workshop in graphic & digital media design. They said that they had quite a few spots available, and it's always pretty easy to get in. So I filled out an application and fired it off - and I am now enrolled in an Adobe Illustrator workshop! My wonderful relatives, Aunt Keren, Uncle Gianni and cousin Sophie sent me the greatest gift of all in a small card the other day... inside it read, "Take a course. <3 " To you, K, G and S: I am taking a course. :)

On Valentine's Day I was working at Hallmark and one of my first customers of the morning came up to the till. He was an older fellow who was making jokes as he payed. He was making me laugh, and then we bonded over the ridiculous cost of cards these days... (out of earshot of my boss of course. Hehe) and as he left he smiled and said to me, "I hope today you receive all of the love that you deserve, young lady." He turned and left peacefully, walking out of my life just as quickly and briefly as he walked in. That was the nicest thing that had ever been said to me on Valentine's Day. It came from a simple smile that a stranger shared. That, is truly the power of happiness.

The Grateful Fed

As one more example of how simple things can be good things, last week I was downtown picking up my paycheck from Telus... and I remembered how long it had been since I'd been out to eat anywhere. I enjoy little cafes or delis here and there... back when I was in Winnipeg I actually took myself out for lunch and went to the "Nook and Cranny" on Portage Ave. I sat at a table for one and had the best Reuben sandwich I'd ever eaten. Not only that, I had a nice, cold beer to top it off. When I moved to Kelowna, I stopped experiencing little spontaneous bits of culture like that. I took it upon myself to explore downtown a bit more since I'm now more familiar with the area, and can navigate my way home easier. As I was walking down one of the main downtown streets, I passed several different cafes and restaurants along the way. Each one looked appealing it its own, unique way; either by the way it smelled or by the menu that it had. I was looking for a place that was licensed so I could have a beer with my late-afternoon lunch, but most of these little places were restaurants and I didn't want to stick out like a sore thumb. I kept thinking in my head of styles of pubs I'd go to if I were on a vacation... what would my step-mom look for in a good restaurant to sit down for a beer? Suddenly a small patio off of the one-lane sidewalk caught my eye. It had only three or four tables out front but it still looked inviting. It was too cold to sit outside but if they had a patio, it meant that they had beer. And that's what I was looking for. Atmosphere.

Atmosphere is exactly what I got. This place had an over-hanging sign that read, "The Grateful Fed" and right away I knew this was a music place. I peeked through the glass door and saw only about 12 tables set up and ready to go inside. Some of them had couples, some of them had people sitting alone, and by looking at the florescent sign that said "Coors Light" flickering in the back behind the tables, I knew this was my kind of place.  Patio? Check. Decor? Check. Licensed? Check. But the biggest winner of them all... was the menu. This was no ordinary pub - I was so overwhelmed I can't even remember some of the elaborate menu choices but everything looked quite exotic compared to your usual chicken fingers and fries. I walked inside and the smell was unbelievable of fresh cooked food. Behind the bar near the back, was a dainty looking kitchen window with a ledge for the cooks to put the food on when it was done. Beside the full, bountiful looking plates of food was a small, retro service bell. I looked and through the window saw only 2 cooks, both properly dressed in chef uniform and clean cut. They were chopping up fresh vegetables and cooking things over a stove. I was impressed. This place had true credentials.

The Grateful Fed

In the background I heard Beatles music playing, and the walls were decorated in soft-old-school rock posters of artists like Lou Reed, John Lennon, Grateful Dead, U2, BB King, etc. The tables had concert tickets from real shows scattered below a piece of plexiglass to hold them in place. The owner of this joint must be an avid music lover. (No kidding.) I heard two male voices coming from the bar so I looked up and saw an older, Italian looking guy with a rag over his left shoulder, leaning over the bar and chatting to a customer. Just by the way he looked and spoke, I could tell he was the owner. One of the local hockey players from the Kelowna Rockets came in after me, and the owner came out from behind the bar and sat down to chat with him at one of the tables. I picked a seat kind of flat right in the middle of the whole place - and when I say "whole place", I mean out of the 12 tables. It was such a small little pub but at the same time was comforting and peaceful. The one waitress that they had came up to me and told me the daily special: rotini done up in a light, freshly made white cheese pasta sauce (I can't remember what type of sauce it was, and for that I am filled with regret) and fresh grilled salmon with herbs scattered overtop. I cannot describe this meal. It was $12.00 for a giant plate of the best pasta I'd ever consumed in my entire life. That's not true, my step-mom whips up a damn good pasta, but coming from a small hole-in-the-wall pub, this was absolutely mind blowing. The food was incredible, the service was great and the atmosphere was amazing. I asked the waitress if they ever had live music and she said they do 3 times a week, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. I am picking this to be my official tour spot if any one of you ever comes to visit me out here.

So all in all, just another example of how good things can be sometimes. It was a totally spontaneous event, I never planned on going out to eat for the first time in months when I was going downtown to get my cheque, but it all worked out perfectly and I had an experience I will remember for the rest of my life because of it. There you go. Do something spontaneous.

If there was any true reason for me to be sharing all of this with you today, that would be that hopefully you'll find some inspiration in your life with it, too. Smile at someone today, hold the door open for someone today. Give your seat up on the bus for someone today if you take the bus. Serve somebody else before you serve yourself. If each of us did this every single day, maybe we still would not see a difference in the world... but maybe we'll see a difference in ourselves. :)


Spread the love today. No, I'm not just saying that. I mean it.

Be good as my favorite humanitarian, Paul Walker, would say. Here's a video of his disaster relief foundation, Reach Out Worldwide, as they celebrate their second anniversary. It's an extremely touching video.

                This is a clip of Jack's surf film, the song is called "Home"

My clean cut boys... Landan is trying to be a 'Space Chimp'

Had an awesome view of the valley from one of Mike's job sites

As unappealing as my photo makes it seem, this was GOOD

Mojo enjoying life on a cactus

Landan playing Marble Blast like a pro

That's It, I'm Back

Me and my long hair

I'm sure you have been waiting impatiently on the edge of your seats, eager to read the next mediocre blog post I come up with. My apologies for it being so long again, I feel as though I have lost my groove when it comes to taking time out to sit down and write one of these monsters... it actually takes more concentration for me than I would've thought. I suppose it doesn't help much that I usually have nothing of particular interest to talk about, it's not like I sit here and discuss current events, so it is often quite difficult to find a good topic. I originally toyed with the idea of throwing out this blog altogether, but then I realized I am WAY too self-indulgent for that and would rather carry on talking about myself and my lazy days here in Kelowna.

Let's rewind a little bit and quickly (I use that word loosely) go over exactly what the heck happened over the past month since I have last written. Basically, as soon as Christmas was over and the New Year began, my days became ticking time bombs to find another full-time job. I figured it would be a perfect time to go career-hunting since all the kiddies were back and school. I soon came to find that it is the exact opposite. Many retail jobs reduce their hours after the holidays are over and lay off their seasonal staff, so I figured I would go down a different route entirely and look for a job that perhaps wasn't in retail. I was cruising on Kijiji looking for advertisements and postings when I finally stumbled upon a "Junior Sales Consultant" position at Telus. Intrigued, I sent in my resume hoping that it would be some sort of career-like opportunity. I really want to find something that I'll stay in longer term, so the fancy job title caught my eye. Damn those fancy job titles.

The position turned out to be a door-to-door sales crusade, in which I accepted and was evidently selling Telus home services. (e.g. Television, Internet, Phone) The office was fancy and clean; it was downtown in a chic building called "Atomic 33 Marketing" which immediately stunned me. I felt professional and well-to-do when I would take the elevator up to floor 3 every morning. All just shoe-shine on a boot. Day after day (which essentially was only four days) I would trudge up and down highways in the snow, clinging onto my clipboard of colorful brochures and application forms, pounding on each door that I would approach. After having the door slammed in my face nearly 78 times, (if not many, many more times than that) I still kept going at it. I figured I would give this job my absolute greatest shot and not let myself down by not trying. Everyone around me was convincing me otherwise, but for some absurd reason I refused to call it quits after one day. I found that the job itself did not intimidate me; I am perfectly comfortable walking up to a strangers door, someone I will never see again, and have them shut it on me. All I would mumble to myself was, "Next!" or "Yeah, I'd probably do the same thing." My cheesy smile and oh-too-perfect self-introductory pitch usually turned people off within their first glance. However, the thing that bothered me about this job was walking by myself at night, a twenty-year-old female, up and down an unlit highway out in the middle of the mountains. The doors that I would knock on would be 20 minutes apart. I'm not going to lie, they were not ALL like that... I had a few good streets here and there, but for the most part I just could not handle the discomfort of walking by myself at night alone. On day four I ended up calling my manager and quit on-site. I figured there had to be OTHER jobs out there in Kelowna... ones I'd like better... for the same amount of money. So I peace'd out and that was that chapter in my life.

The new look of my bedroom - notice the Jack J poster too

Since then my days have been filled with endless resume-dropping-off, babysitting my nephew, and sleeping. It's a tough life. I still get shifts at Hallmark here and there which has been fueling me for the past two weeks, but I'm still in hopes of finding something permanently full time. I had an interview at the Sony store last week, and I am setting up a second interview for the end of this week or beginning of next. With that particular job, there are three interviews: pre-screening, preliminary, and secondary. My pre-screening went exceptionally well if I may say so myself... although it may have only been 1 of 3, it still went just about as good as it could've in my opinion. There would be nothing more embarrassing than the owner of the store Googling my name, finding this blog, and reading this post thinking, "Wow, the interview did NOT go that well." So here's to me hoping that my self-confidence isn't false. However, I do look forward to the second interview and cross my fingers that it went just as good as the first. This job would be ideal: it's close by, full time, hourly wage PLUS commission... and who loves flatscreens and video games more than I do?

That's basically the gist of what has been going on in my end of the world. Mikey and I have been playing craploads of Modern Warefare on our Xbox Live, we're absolutely addicted. Sometimes Chris comes over and we have a few beers, eat pizza and play video games... I'm such a nerdy teenage boy at heart. I really do love it though. For all of you fellow Winnipegers, (all 2 of you that probably read this) I am indeed attempting to plan a trip back home within the near future to come and visit. It's bizarre how much I miss seeing the wind. I am also in the process of taking up some workshops at the Centre for Arts & Technology campus here in Kelowna, it is a digital art school that I have been drooling at the mouth to attend even before I moved out here. I kind of wrote it out as an option to attend for right now but they had a small symposium at the mall the other day and I found out they have day-long workshops on various topics that interest you for a decent price, so I'm thinking I'm going to go take a few of those and meet some people with similar interests as me. There's a few Adobe courses in there I'd like to check out so that has been on my radar as well lately.

Anyways, that pretty much concludes my catch up blog. I feel bad I have not been writing more but I am hoping now with all of this free time I have somehow gained, I will write more often. Forgive me if it is a few days in between posts as I usually try to think of things that are at least SOMEWHAT interesting to read. (I'm not sure if that ever really comes across.) I'll also try to make a better habit of taking more photos to liven these novels up a bit.

Until next time, this is Bree Hawkins signing off.

PS - Did I mention in the last blog post that we have a new addition to our family? Her name is Mr. Mojo Thomas, a bearded dragon. The reason that is her name is because we originally thought it was a male... and we let the boys name it. We recently found out that she is a female so we couldn't really think up another name that Landan and Brodie liked. I can't wait for her to get bigger though so I can take her for walks.

Mr. Mojo Thomas, the beardy