Life's a Breeze: January 2012

So it has been exactly thirteen days since I last wrote on my blog, and to some of you who check daily... I apologize. (Just kidding) Forgive me if this entry reads a little rusty. I feel as though I have completely forgotten how to type at a computer.

A lot has happened in the short amount of time that the new year has delivered. For instance, my hours got cut back at the card shop, I have spent a few weeks hunting for a job, I went to two job interviews and I have finally found employment. How's that for a start to the new year? Well I'm going to be honest. I'm not too sure yet how I'm feeling about living out here in the West Coast - I'm still feeling homesick although I'm wishing I didn't. The last thing on Earth I want to do to myself is to cave in and come home. Although everyone spends their time trying to convince me that it's okay if I do in the end choose to do that, I know that the self-punishment I would suffer through afterwards wouldn't be worth it. Again, I'll speak openly... I am starting to feel yucky again, unmotivated and unsure of what my future may hold. It's a familiar routine that goes on in my head, something that happens when I am forced into making a decision. I've been trying to convince myself that I can do this and once I begin a new job here I will be alright... yet at the same time, I'm just feeling downright unsure.

You have to look at things from my point of view, I never really give things a chance. Before I ever do, I usually get too anxious beforehand and change my direction before I can feel the uncomfortable effects. Examples? I moved back to my hometown of Dauphin in 2008, ended up living there for sixth months and before I had the chance to stick my feet in the water and attend the highschool there the following September, I promptly moved back to Winnipeg and went to school there. I will credit myself, I did still step out my boundaries and go to a new high school... something that was a very difficult challenge for me. But at the same time, I still feel like I gave up and I didn't really give anything there a chance.

I returned to Winnipeg. I finished high school, I got average grades... I signed up for University, not really sure I want to but because I know that I need to... and boom. Not even a year later, merely just a semester, I drop out and I'm gone. I spent the next few months working part time at the Hallmark there, barely enough to get me out of my bed in the morning. Thank goodness I finally started to work at the second store to get some full time hours... it was a nice change for me, a new environment and at least I was working more often than not. That little venture was good for me too, I'll admit. There are little gold nuggets here and there that I find I accomplish, but at the same time there is so much that I avoid. Another example: I left Winnipeg behind. When I did, it felt great - I felt that sense of accomplishment I had every other once in a while... but now it just feels like I ran away again. Because now I'm really starting to feel the homesickness and the familiarity of my old life. As much as I like how things are here, Mike and Jessica have both been more than welcoming and accepting, my nephews have been a joy to be around and the scenery is absolutely breathtaking every single day... but I still find myself getting homesick. I'm not too sure what it is that I am looking for anymore. I left there because I thought I was unhappy and needed a new change in my life to inspire a direction I wanted to go towards, and now I am here seeing that the grass isn't exactly greener on the other side. It feels the same. I guess at the end of the day, it all boils down to how you feel about your life on the inside, finding those things that make you happy. I don't know where exactly to find it yet.

As self-pitying as that may all sound, all I am saying is that I guess I just have to keep trying. If I left Kelowna behind I'd feel pretty bad. Yet at the same time I still really want to come home. The good thing about right now is I have something else to think about - I got a new job as a sales person for T.A.G. Enterprise. It is a company that is contracted out to smaller companies such as Telus, Shaw, Rodgers etc. that need to raise their sales of their product. e.g. Cable, Internet, TV, Phone. T.A.G. Enterprise is a widespread company as they have headquarters in Vancouver, offices in Calgary, Red Deer, Edmonton and Fort McMurray. A perk about working for their Kelowna location is that they offer a $10.00 p/hr wage on top of $10.00 commission on each product that you sell. It's a Monday to Friday job, which leaves me able to work Sundays still at Hallmark to ring in an extra hundred bucks or so a week. This new job happens to be a door to door sales job at the beginning... but like I said, I get paid an hourly wage so even if I suck at the start, at least I'll still be going home with a 40 hour week paycheck. I won't lie to you, I'm scared out of my pants. There is nothing more intimidating than walking up to a strangers door, not knowing who is going to answer and trying to talk them out of their cable deal while they are sitting at home with their families in the evening. I'm not sure what my future may be in this career, but I guess I have to try it right now. My training starts on Monday so wish me the best of luck... that I don't throw up all over my shoes.

So all of that leads us up to here, Friday the 13th. I'll admit, when I first woke up this morning I was very cautious getting out of bed. I automatically assumed that today may be an unlucky day... but so far nothing too hazardous has happened. The only thing I can think of so far was when I accidentally missed my mouth when I went to take a drink from my glass of water, and it poured down my shirt instead. Guess I'm pretty lucky today! :)

Now that I am reflecting upon the few weeks that has gone by so far in the new year, it hasn't been so bad. In fact, lots of good things have happened to me. Take yesterday morning for instance: I was nice and cozy in my nice warm bed, eyes shut tight and covers pulled up to my face... when all of a sudden I hear the creak of my door opening slowly and a beam of light shined in my face. When I peeked through my eyelids I saw a tuft of blonde hair bobbing up and down with a big, wide open smile to accompany it. Landan had crawled out of his bed at 6:30 a.m. and snuck into my bedroom, hoping I'd be awake. When he saw that I was still half-asleep, he asked if he could at least keep me company and watch Treehouse on my TV. I agreed, seeing how this was beginning to become a morning routine for us. Whenever he wakes up, he comes into my room and waits until I'm ready to get out of bed and grab him a bowl of cereal. It seems to work pretty good for us. So there he was, crawling up into my blankets and curling his little toes next to mine while I listened to him laughing at the television. That was a magical moment in itself. Without this new year, that moment would never have happened.

I also had a pretty good New Year's eve celebration as well - I see that the last time I wrote was the night of, so you wouldn't have known what my festivities ended up being. Mike originally had plans to invite some friends over to our place for drinks and countdown, but that had all fallen through so we ended up going to Mike's best buddy's house, Miller. Miller has two young girls who were having a sleep over when we got there, so their moms were over too. Altogether it was myself, Mike, Jessica, Miller, Sarah (Miller's girlfriend) and one of the mothers. We had a pretty decent evening, we all had some beer and watched MuchMusic's countdown. Unfortunately for us, we didn't realize that it was based out of Toronto (I'll blame the beer for that) and we missed the countdown to midnight completely. By the time we realized it was after 12:00, it had long since passed. We all stood up and gave one another hugs, cheering and wishing a happy new year. It was a pretty calm evening, but it was fun. We listened to good music, played fun games and enjoyed each others company.

In the meantime, I also was asked by a friend of Paul Walker's, Jesse Brisendine, to create a montage video of all the things he had experienced in 1 year. He called it the "1 Year 1000 Things Challenge" and became quite well-known throughout 2011. Anyways, he had seen some of my other videos I had made previously on the internet, and he liked my work. He emailed me asking if I would throw together a video for his challenge, so I willingly did so, excited that someone I looked up to asked me to work on a project for them. I have posted the video below so you can check it out if you'd like.

Anyways, I suppose that is all I have to say for now... hope you like the few pics I've shared.

Cheers